I work with a guy who makes my skin crawl. At first he just bothered me a little... but now i'm fully grossed out! Everything about him upsets me. Kinda like that feeling you get when you know you just met a pedaphile. His skin is pasty, and it looks like it hurts. He talks like he has a bubble in his throat, and it makes me want to vomit! I've never met anyone who made my stomach hurt just to look at them until now. I wish I knew what I could do to keep from being so grossed out. I just know his skin is always clammy... ewwww.... can't talk about it any more. Suggestions?

Sister


We went to see Dave Matthews last week... and ever since his encore "Sister" I have not been able to get the song out of my head. Before he started the encore he explained that his sister was his kindred spirit... and that when she was born her heart was place in his body... and vise versa. So he always felt like he was with her in spirit. Sadly, she was killed in 1994, by her husband who then shot himself
This got me to thinking, naturally, about my relationships with others. I was not blessed with a sister... but I've had the luxery of hand picking several sisters... my own kindred spirits. Erin, Kerry, and Kim have been my friends for a very long time... my hand-picked sisters in life... then I was blessed again to get Crystal when I moved to Texas. So, here are the lyrics to DMB's "Sister" for my sisters.... I <3 you guys....

Sister.... a song about Jane

Passing time with you in mind
Its another quiet night
Feel the ground against my back
Count the stars against the black
Think about another day
Wishing I was far away
Wherever I dreamed I was
You were there with me

(Chorus)Sister, I hear you laugh
My heart fills full up
Keep me please
Sister, when you cry
I feel your tears
Running down my face
Sister, sister, keep me

I hope you always know its true
I would never make it through
You could make the sun go dark
Just by walking away
Playing like we used to play
Like it would never go away
I feel you beating in my chest
I'd be dead without you

(Chorus)Sister, I hear you laugh
My heart fills full up
Keep me please
Sister, when you cryI feel your tears
Running down my face
Sister, sister, you keep me
I hope you always know its true
I would never make it through
You could make the heavens fall
Just by walking away

(Chorus)Sister, I hear you laugh
My heart fills full up
Keep me please
Sister, when you cryI feel your tears
Running down my faceSister, sister, you keep me

My Caccoon has a malfunction!



When I first met Brian I was free... I said what I thought and I did whatever felt good at the moment... i.e. going hiking, playing frisbee, saying mean stuff... which was more funny than mean. What I've noticed in the past few months is that I've gone into a cacoon. I just can't figure out why.
Usually the more you know someone the more open you become. This makes no sence to me!
I wish I knew why I was open at one time and now I'm not. I think maybe it's because I love him... and I'm worried that saying what I think and doing what I feel will drive him away. I feel as if I'm caught between who I want to be and who I am. I'm honestly afraid that if he ever sees the real me he won't like me.
Is everyone else this afraid? Or is it just me?

Emo


This weekend was different from most... Brian went to Lake Hartwell and I went home to visit my family. My father has been very sick (he spent 20 days in the hospital last month and NO ONE KNEW) sad, i know... but he values his privacy and I try to let him have it. So, I went home to look at a nursing home for my father... and I toured it and he is now there.
On saturday I took three of my nephews (Aron, Damien and Jacob) to see that Ricky Bobby movie... not very funny to me... I think Will Ferrell is loosing his funny. Afterwards my oldest nephew, Aron, wanted to go to see a band play. He has a friend who is in the band... and I love going to shows and I know how much of a bummer it is for there to be one and not be able to get there... so we went.
What I want to know is... what's wrong with the youth of america? These kids have the worst taste in clothing, hair and music... it's like they are leaving a big ol black X on the face of their generation.
I know what we all wore in high school puzzled our parents... the shag hair cuts, the bell bottom jeans and chunky shoes, but these kids look like someone with a mental condition did their styling. All of the guys (with the exception of my nephew) were wearing girls jeans that were wayyy.... too tight, their little brothers t-ball t-shirt, studded belts with big ol belt buckles *which i liked* and old nasty Vans sneakers. The girls were not much better... they too were wearing too tight jeans and stupid t shirts that were too small.
The music was just awful! I hate to see people wasting their talents... and thats what this was, a waste of talent. I guess to them it looks good and sounds good... but to me it was far from good. I was hoping that the generation after mine would be cooler than my generation... and i guess from where they are sitting it is. This whole Emo things has gotta go! IT makes me feel old, and it's not flattering.

No Habla Englais?


Last week at work was kinda nuts. My "boss" Lara was out of town... she left me a list of things to do while she was gone and I did them all in one day not realizing that the list was for three days, not one. This left me with two days to come up with things to do. And I managed to occupy my time in a VERY CONSTRUCTIVE MANNER.
I've always thought that I was more like my father than my mother... but this past week I was my mothers child. We have this closet at work... it seems to be a "catch all" for anything no one wants to deal with... well, there is an office that is the "catch all overflow" it handles the rest of the stuff no one wants to look at. I've been told that these two rooms are cleaned all the time... but they were too much for me to bear.
I went into the back and asked for my very own cleaning guy... his name is Adrian and he is a recent immigrant to America from Mexico... and man did we WORK! on the first day we cleaned the closet... and it took us about 3 hours from start to finish... with a couple of coca-cola brakes...
On the second day we cleaned the office... this took us about 4 hours... we took a PALLETT of junk out of the office and found it's home... both rooms look ten times better than they did.
What I realized while we did this was that Adrian and I had no miscommunication. We just worked... he speaks NO ENGLISH AT ALL... he now knows the words "garbage", "keep", and FINISHED! Adrian and I did not need to talk, we simply needed to WORK. It's not very often that you find someone who will just follow your lead and help you... I guess that's what I'm getting at. He was just as tired as I was... poor thing works 12 hour shifts... but he kept going.
I feel bad sometimes for people who move here from other countries... they don't know the language, or the currency... or the way our politics roll... but they hang in there and work hard to have more than what they had in their own country. I'm glad to live in a country where people know they can come for shelter and help... a place that is a mother to all.

Sometimes I wonder about people... I have a new job, and I LOVE IT! It's fast paced and I'm learning a lot. I finally feel like I've found something I can do that I won't get bored with. Boredom is a constant problem with me... I like to constantly be doing SOMETHING.
Well, when I took my new job I forgot about something... working in an office after not working closely with others is a tough transition. I like the people I work with, don't get me wrong... but I dont' understand why they have to shoot rubber bands at each other and be so loud! I guess when you look at the same 4 walls for 9 hours of the day you need to release a little steam...

Lara is my boss, and she is just adorable. She is teaching me so much, and we seem to be a great fit. She knows that if she is not going to be out of the office to leave me lots of stuff to do... and she knows that I'm perfectly capable of doing whatever she throws my way. She takes up for me, which is nice...

What I find intresting is that people at work think I'm going to snap... I hate that I come accross this way. I'm there to do my job, not gossip and act like a clown. So, I guess I'm just getting my welcome to the real world...

This is actually from a few months ago... but i thought it was a good one to start with


Counting my steps...
Today I woke up and got to work! I ran my errands and was at the Field of Hope by 9:30, with Taylor in tow, to watch Zack's class play kickball and baseball. I must admit I was pretty excited... when we got there Zack looked at me like he pretty much hated me and asked why I was there. This was not a good start, but I decided to keep trying.
At first Taylor and I were over at kickball until I got scik of Zack's attitude and we went over to help with baseball. Well, I had a good time. The children in Zack's class are all very sweet. There were also kids from other schools in Fayette Co. and I got to know them too. Taylor and I got to bat, none of the other "grown ups" did but we don't care... it was fun.
So, there was a little boy there and his name was "Justis"... and I think he has MS but I'm not sure. His father helped him bat and then moved his feet all the way around the bases. The little boy didn't talk, he just smiled... every step he took was encouraged by his father... as they got to home plate I heard his father say "87....88...89....90... home plate!" I think I saw the proudest faces I've ever seen today. That little boy who couldn't even walk or talk made it to home plate and everyone cheered. The encouragement from his father was priceless and it's something I wish every child could have. You would have thought that little boy had climbed to the top of Mt. Everest... I guess in his father's eyes, he had.
So, today I learned to count my steps... putting one foot in front of the other may not look like very much... but when you've got someone encouraging you and the steps are all put together you can really accomplish something big.


Writers Block of Cheese
okay, so in that last blog i didn't quite get out what i wanted because i was so worried about being PC... I called my mom today and talked to her about human beings and why we are the way we are... she told me in her own wierd way that she feels that people who are mentaly "handicapable" know something that we do not. she thinks that when we are born we know the secrets of how life is and the way it works and over time we loose it. she also thinks that certian people, like kids with Downs and MS, don't forget...thats why they are always smiling... or at least this is what she likes to think. they can still see the other side, where the rest of us are cut off from it. i like this way of thinking.... they know that this is all an illusion... this is just practice for the real thing... that is why they smile when the rest of us are not. she thinks there is a light, and only special people can see it.